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约完会人却消失了,不是因为你魅力不够,而是……

如果一个人和你约会后就不见踪影,可能有多方面原因,并不是因为你不够好。

 

约完会人却消失了,不是因为你魅力不够,而是…… [Photo/Pexels]

 

Men and women come in several behavioural layers. As such, one might not feel connected to his/her date regardless of how beautiful and intelligent the person may appear.

每个人的行为都很复杂,有时会让人捉摸不透。因此,无论约会对象看起来多美丽、多聪明,有时你可能仍会感到与他/她之间有些距离感。

 

Getting a call back is not entirely dependent on how well the date goes. A date can go sour and afterward, the person would reach out. Also, it could go well and you get ghosted.

并不是说约会顺利对方就会给你回电话。可能约会不太顺利,对方事后仍主动联系你;也有可能进展顺利,你却被甩了。

 

Ghosting, after a date, is based on different reasons and some far from how the date turns out. However, getting ghosted is not a gender-specific experience, men get ghosted just as women do after a date. Although, it is arguable that women get ghosted more than men, after a date.

约会对象在一次约会后突然消失,原因多种多样,有些原因甚至与约会进展毫不相关,与性别也同样不相关。约会后女性可能会被甩,男性也可能会。但总的来看,女性在约会后被甩的次数比男性多。

 

“被人甩”可能会让你让感到生气、难过,也可能让你感到困惑。你开始自我怀疑:我做错了什么吗?我说错了什么吗?我看起来不够好吗?

 

其实,正是因为你和约会对象没有沟通交流,所以你才不知道自己为什么会被甩。就算你自以为约会进行得很顺利,你也会觉得,发短信或打电话说这些实在难以启齿,对吧?

 

According to Natalie Jones, a doctor of psychology, someone's reason for ghosting you has little to do with you. She suggests that it could be a result of attachment issues, emotional level, and several more.

心理学博士娜塔丽·琼斯说,有人把你甩了这事与你自身没太大关系。她说,这可能是因为爱慕、个人情绪或其他因素。

 

人们在约会后杳无音讯(ghost after a date),主要有以下五个原因:

 

1. 他们不想作出承诺

They are not into commitments

 

人们约会的目的各不相同。有的人是喜欢和别人一起吃饭,有的人是想找新欢,有的人则是为了找一个终身伴侣。

 

When your motive doesn't match theirs, there is a possibility, you won't be getting a call or text back, after the day out together. Commitment in a relationship is a big step and certain people are not in that frame of mind to take the step. If building a relationship is the next step you intend to take and it isn’t theirs, then the probability of ghosting you after the date is high, regardless of how connected you might feel or not. No one likes to take up what they are not ready for.

若你们的动机迥然,有可能约会了一天,对方却不给你回电话或回短信。在一段关系中,承诺是重要一步,而某些人却无心迈出这一步。如果你接下来打算建立关系,而对方却没这个意向,那么就算你觉得和对方很亲近,对方依旧会甩了你。你想更进一步,而对方可能并没有做好准备。

 

2. 她/他心里还有别人

There is someone else in the picture

 

并非每个与别人约会的人都是单身。

 

Not everyone that goes on a date is completely single. Matter of fact, there is no rule against hitched individuals going on a date with a single person. Sometimes, hitched individuals go on dates to relieve themselves of stress from their partner, or just to experience hanging out with someone new. If you happen to go on a date with someone in this category, getting ghosted is very possible. A married person or someone in a serious relationship will not totally commit to someone single. Except the thought of being a side-chick or side-guy is appealing to you.

并非每个去约会的人都是单身。其实,没人规定已婚人士不能与单身人士约会。有时,已婚人士去约会是为了减轻来自伴侣的压力,或只是为了体验新鲜感。如果你碰巧是和这类人约会,你很有可能会被甩。非单身人士不会给一个单身的人以承诺,除非你想当第三者。

 

3. 他们已经得手了

They got what they wanted

 

一旦约会对象从你们的约会中得到了想要的东西,他们可能会就此消失。

 

Dates can be beautiful and romantic, so much that an instant connection happens and sparks fly. This could lead to having sex, transferring money, or giving out a piece of vital information that helps the other person. For some people that have the motive of gaining something from the date asides from getting to know you, when they get what they want, there is likely to be no text or call back. You get ghosted.

约会是美丽而浪漫的,你们或许会一见钟情,干柴烈火。你们可能会发生关系,可能会给对方花钱,也可能会向对方透露重要的有利信息。对于一些人来说,除了了解你之外,他们只想从约会中得到他们想要的东西。当他们得手时,就不会给你回短信或者回电话了。你,被甩了。

 

4. 他们有点焦虑

They have anxiety issues

 

约会完玩消失,可能只是因为你的约会对象有点儿焦虑。

 

Getting ghosted could be a result of fear. There are people who battle with anxiety birthed from fear. The fear of not being enough and lovable, which could be a result of past failed relationships. This type of people hold back from reaching out after a date, to avoid going through such again. Even when the date goes well, It seems too good to be true. Dr. Jones says "they may do things to self-sabotage, like ghosting".

约会完玩消失可能是因为他们害怕。有些人会因为害怕而产生焦虑情绪。他们可能因为过去谈过几次失败的恋爱,所以害怕自己不够好,不够可爱。这种人在约会后忍住不主动联系对方,以免再次失败。如果约会进行得很顺利,他们会觉得美好得太不真实了。琼斯博士说:“他们可能会自暴自弃,比如玩消失。”

 

5. 他们对你没兴趣

Not interested

 

无论约会进展是否顺利,如果约会对象不喜欢你,那么你就很可能约会完就被甩。

 

The preference of what people desire in a partner varies. In most cases, if their date doesn’t measure up to what they desire, they ghost. People have a mental picture of what they want their partner to look like. Although, love happens and some people end up with the total opposite of what they initially pictured. Several others stick to what they have pictured.

每个人心目中理想伴侣的样子可能都不尽相同。通常来说,如果约会与他们的期望不符,他们约会完就会消失。然而,有时候虽然你和对方的理想型完全相反,你们仍可能会爱上对方。但有的人则会坚持寻找自己心中的那个人。

 

约完会人却消失了,不是因为你魅力不够,而是……

 

(来源:中国日报双语新闻微信  编辑:商桢、丹妮)

约完会人却消失了,不是因为你魅力不够,而是……
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